Jim the travelling bear came home from nursery this week and immediately started to bully the other toys. He picked on the biggest soft toy first to establish dominance knocking rabbit out cold with a headbutt. With rabbit out of the way Jim told Lucy the dog that she had to carry him around “I don’t do walking,” he said. “Now take me downstairs you bitch,” and Lucy did as she was told – because she is voice activated.
“What the fuck is this?” Jim moaned as G tried to give him some smoked salmon. “Put some lemon on it for God’s sake,” he said shaking his head in disbelief before running off to the bathroom for his morning poo.
He spent the afternoon hitting on Elsa who was having none of it. “If you touch me again I’ll freeze your furry little heart and nail it to the wall,” she hissed. “I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.”
“I’ll have sex with you,” Anna whispered into his ear. She quite liked his macho ways but little did she realise that nosy Peppa Pig had overheard and immediately grassed her up to her big sister. “Stop being such a slag Anna. I can’t protect you forever,” Elsa shouted and then zapped Jim straight in the balls with frozen magic.
Jim was out cold for the rest of the day. His temporary owners kindly placed him in front of the radiator to defrost.
Later that day Jim took himself away to the tree house to reflect on what had happened. He decided that he didn’t want to be a bully any more so he wrote the toys a letter.
*Jim has now been returned to nursery where we gave them a more child friendly account of his adventures. To those who have yet to experience the travelling bear have fun – and keep a close eye on him