A quiet Oxfordshire village was rocked this week after a resident had both feet eaten by his brother, in a vicious and disturbing act of cannibalism. Continue reading “Cannibalism in Oxfordshire”
Loud celebrations were held in the bedroom of an 8 year old boy this week after his new gerbil did its first poo. Ronaldo the 11 week old grey rodent presented its first bowel movement just hours after being collected by his new owner, Archie. Archie was gifted the pet for his 8th birthday after demonstrating his commitment to becoming a gerbil father. “Mum come quick, Ronaldo has done his first poo,” shouted Archie excitedly.
Archie’s Mum did not rush to see the poo. “As the parent of two children and a dog there is enough poo in my life already,” said his Mum. “But I was happy to see how excited it made him and told him that he would be cleaning it up himself”
Both gerbils, Cristiano Ronaldo and his slightly smaller brother Lionel Messi, have settled in well to their new gerbilarium. However Ronaldo has been difficult to tame. “He bit my little finger and it bled loads. It made me really sad because I thought he didn’t love me,” said Archie who briefly considered putting Ronaldo back on the transfer market after the savage attack.
Archie asked his Mum to pick up Ronaldo and prove that the pet was really very friendly. Unfortunately he bit her too causing her to scream so loudly that the rodents quickly buried themselves.”He was just scared,” said Archie philosophically. “So I am giving him some food every day and after a few days he let me touch him without biting.”
This propensity for biting has led to suggestions that the pet is renamed Luis Suarez but the proposal was rejected by the eight year old who has already tamed Messi. Despite the vicious mauling Archie has not been put off from owning more gerbils. “I would have 20 if I could. But a maximum of 50,” he said.