Santa’s Little Helper

“I going to punch you in the face,” she shouted at the elf before grabbing him violently and bopping him on the nose.

At the Ballantyne house we had slightly misunderstood the concept of “Elf on the Shelf”. We thought that our job was to stop the elf doing naughty things and report back to Santa at the end of the advent period. But apparently the elf is actually watching the children. Any bad behaviour and he grasses them up to Santa who redistributes their gifts to more worthy infants.

I can’t believe I missed such an excellent opportunity to get them to behave. What a fool. However if I change it now I will have to return all of Georgie’s gifts. You see her treatment of the naughty little elf has been bad enough that not only would Santa refuse to give her any gifts he would probably take his evidence to the police and have her serve a prison sentence for assault.


Yesterday for example the kids came downstairs to find the elf helping himself to the sweets in Georgie’s party bag. “What do you fink you are doin?” she yelled.

“Mummy the naughty little elf is eating my sweeties,” she screamed and clenched her fists before wailing so loudly that it probably woke the neighbours. “I going to punch you in the face,” she shouted at the elf before grabbing him violently and bopping him on the nose.

But this wasn’t enough to stem her tide of anger. Like a bloodthirsty hound ripping into a fox she continued to pummel the elf before finishing him off by holding his legs and smashing his head on the kitchen table.

At this point I could tell she was starting to feel better because she had stopped crying. But karma affects us all, and as Georgie concentrated on annihilating the naughty little elf, the dog ate the sweets that the elf had just been pretending to eat.

“Nooooooooo,” she wailed. Fortunately I had a solution. “Who wants to open their advent calendar?” I asked. “Me,” she said cheering up immediately. The elf was forgiven as she ripped open the foil of her Trolls calendar and offered him some of the chocolate. She then fed him cheerios and lovingly poured milk down his face.

Perhaps tomorrow I should let him torment her brother instead……..




Author: Bernadette Ballantyne

Freelance journalist and former engineer writing for business magazines and blogging about working parent issues

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